Sunday, December 28, 2014

Lego Watch

 Meet my watch. It’s made out of Lego®, making it, apparently, THE COOLEST
THING IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND. EVER!

It’s nothing fancy. There are no special features, no GPS, doesn’t play MP3s or check my stocks or anything. Not even a calendar. It’s just a watch face. Well you can attach other lego to each end of the band, but that’s a bit cumbersome and you'll lose the pieces quickly.
It doesn’t even keep the time very well. I have to ‘update’ it about once a month. Which is good enough by my standards. I have an iPhone if I need to calculate the warp signature of a cloaked Klingon bird of prey (or whatever), but I am old school enough to still look at my wrist to see how long it is until lunch. So I got a cheap watch. No biggee.
There it is, on my right wrist. And yes,
I AM wearing a nectarine box on my head.
No, no reason.
But apparently it’s just unbearably, mind-bendingly awesome. I meet 200+ people a day at my job, and I average about one person an hour complimenting me on my watch. 
And yes, I am a hit with the 10-and-under crowd. I work with a touchscreen in front of me, and the conveyor belts of groceries below that. Between these is a gap, right at wrist height, and right at kid-eye level. 
So sometimes I'll be chatting with a parent or two while I am moving their groceries along, and I'll see a tiny hand slowly emerge from underneath the touchscreen, drawn inescapably towards my ultimate watch. Must. Have. Must Touch the Lego Watch.....!
Put all the links together and it'll fit an
adult wrist!
And then I can show people it’s trick: The one cool thing it does is the band comes apart and you can put the colored links together any way you want. So when people ask about it I just take it off my wrist, pop the band apart and then snap it back in place. And they lose their freakin' minds.
Those of you who have read my profile know that I sculpt in Lego* as a nightly hobby. Well, one day I was on the Lego website to buy a new baseboard. And, as luck would have it my old flip-up R2-D2 watch had just died -
One of my lego sculptures.
“I’ve just about had enough of you. Go that way! You’ll be malfunctioning within a day, you near-sighted scrap pile!”

- and I needed a new one. And so I got a lego watch for 25 bucks.
Once configured the band is quite secure, but the watch itself is fairly fragile. These photos from 2008 show a hybrid of the first band with the second watch face. The first one I accidentally smashed with a drumstick at a gig. Oops. So I went back to the Lego site but they were sold out of that model.
BIG. PINK. HEART.
So that time I was forced to get the ‘Belville’ model, which is designed for little girls. The band on that one was all in whites, clears, and pink. Ugh. So I recycled the first band for the new watch, and just kinda ignored that the second hand terminates in a big pink heart.
Watch #2 lasted about 4 years until I took it swimming one morning. We both realized it was not waterproof at exactly 6:09am and 25 seconds. Oops.

Watch #3 features a mini-figure embedded within the plastic links of the band, which makes him look like he's on a Medieval torture rack.

Bow down before it!
Hmmmm......Lego Inquisition! Deluxe dungeon comes complete with thumb screws, plastic forced confession letters and a Torquemada Mini-figure!

.......Naaah.

Angus McMahan
angusmcmahan@gmail.com
@AngusMcMahan

*Lego is a self-contained plural, like 'deer'. There are no "legos". People from Denmark have been trying to correct we Yanks on this matter for decades now, but the Danes speak so softly and politely that we Ugly Americans have so far not taken any notice of them.



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